“I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.”   ~Ludwig Wittgenstein

Well hello again!  It’s been quite some time since I’ve been back to these old stomping grounds, but it seems that I can’t ever quite get away.  I guess that’s a good thing though.  So today I’m not here to answer questions or give you advice from Ye Olde Booke O Answers.  I’m just here to ask a few uncomfortable questions that have been bothering me.  This isn’t me doubting myself or needing reassurance.  It’s more of a set of questions for you to answer for yourself to see if you’re on the right path.

Why do you do magick?

Are you doing magick because it’s cool?  Are you doing magick because you’re searching for truth?  Are you just dabbling enough to cast a spell to help you get something you want?  I guess that there are more reasons than I could list, but before you leave the computer today, ask yourself that simple question and be dumbfounded by the answer (if you can get it) because it’s something that I asked myself for years before I figured it out myself (thanks Jen for helping with that!)

How has magick helped your life?

It hasn’t helped mine.  I didn’t strike it rich.  I didn’t get the girl because of it.  I certainly didn’t get the job that I wanted because of a spell I did.  I can’t/won’t help the sick and dying unless the issue isn’t right to begin with.  On the other hand, I end up staying up until 4 am when I have work at 6 am to deal with those things that go bump in the night (they’re really good at deciding to hang out at rather inconvenient times).  I’ve been sick to my stomach in fear and worry about my wife when I have to work nights on a regular basis.  How has magick helped my life?  It hasn’t.  And it more than likely won’t.  So tell me:  how has magick helped yours?

Do you enjoy magick?

That’d be a negative Ghost Rider.  Do you copy Ghost Rider?  That’s a negative on the enjoyment of magick.  I started out trying to get physical power through a medium that perfectly fitted me.  I wanted to control my dreams.  I wanted to understand the meaning of life.  I wanted to get what I wanted in life.  Has that happened?  Yes and no.  I have a good life and it’s perfect for where I should be in life.  I’m learning the lessons I’m meant to learn.  On the other hand, money doesn’t fall from the sky.  We have been so poor that I missed meals on a regular basis and when I had them it was corn tortillas and beans (with cheese when we were splurging).  I’ve had to work my ass off for everything that I’ve gotten and I’ve been so tired that I wanted to cry.  Did I do magick?  Yep.  Did it work?  That’s another negative Ghost Rider.  Why not?  Well because I had to learn the lessons before I could move on just like anybody else.  Well if magick isn’t helping me and I don’t enjoy it, then why do I do it?  Well that’s simple.  If I don’t do it, then I die a little on the inside.  And then I die a little more.  And then some more.  Eventually, I’d end up being the person that I work next to.  The one that lives vicariously through the Us Weekly articles about celebrities going to jail and having affairs.  I’d worry about things like whether my high school football team is on a winning streak or how the Cowboys are doing.  As it is, I worry about how to deal with choices that I’ve made and how to better prepare my family for whatever may come.  I worry about moving from this stage to the next in my life.  No, I do not enjoy magick but it gives my life meaning where I find very little in other people’s lives.  I am absolutely certain when I’m doing things right and when I’m doing things wrong.  I can feel it in my bones and smell it in the air.  So ask yourself whether you actually enjoy it.  And if you don’t, then why do you continue?

So after thinking about these questions, doubt yourself a little bit.  I know, I know–that’s not what you wanted to hear from my first post on here in over a year.  No one wants to doubt themselves and they definitely don’t want to hear it from someone who says that they don’t enjoy such a major part of their life.  What I’m saying is that you need to take those rose colored glasses off and put them in the dumpster.  Life’s hard and that’s good.  Magick doesn’t make it any better.  In fact it makes it harder.  I’ve posted about Paganism being the easy religion and it is these days.  On the other hand, magick’s not.  We’re here to learn, grow, and gain experiences.  Magick does make those easier, and it does it by forcing you to do those things often before you’re willing.  So toss the glasses, pull on your big boy underwear, and get ready to go kick some ass.