Magick for the Real World

One couple's dream of being the change they want to see in the world.



Living a Magickal Life in a Less-Than-Magickal World

I want to wake up every day and think about spirituality. I want my daily conversations to deal with it. I want to go to work and do something magickal. I want to write rituals before I go to sleep so that I’m prepared for the next day. Instead…I wake up to thoughts of how to deal with problems I have faced at my job in the oilfield. I go through my day having conversations about bottom hole pressure. I go to sleep after finishing my timesheet and expenses describing the frac job I was on. Do I want this? No. Then I should take my own advice, right? If it doesn’t make you happy, leave it behind you. Well that’s just tough shit, as we would say in the oil patch.

I am a father to four children and those four little munchkins have to go to college soon. My wife would like to be able to wear at least a couple pieces of jewelry. I would like to be able to buy a new tire if I get a flat. It all boils down to that all-mighty dollar that seems to be completely absent within the metaphysical community. I refuse to let my family go without the things that they need, and I would like to be able to get away from the foods that will cause me cancer in 20 years. I am not willing to make these sacrifices for myself and my family so that I may go to work in the magickal world.

So I ask you, the reader, the question that has plagued me for going on 10 years now. How do you make a decent living in a magickal way? Is there anyone in the magickal community who makes a living compared to me, a common oilfield engineer? I’ve read that Jason from the Wild Hunt has to crowd-fund his trips to conventions, and he’s probably the most famous person within the Pagan community. To me, this is absolutely crazy. If you wanted someone famous in the oilfield to speak at a convention, you would pay them a minimum of $20,000 for a speech. Jason, Penczak, Starhawk, and all of those other famous Pagans should be paid to come to an event rather than have to pay for their own travel.

So even the most famous people in our community still have to budget for trips/work? That’s nuts. The problem I see is that there is no way that our community can get any inflow from non-magickally inclined people. Yet we all have flow out of our community to airfare, gas, rent, food, and every other normal industry. So we steadily are losing money as a community. I’ll always have to pay for gas, clothes, food, etc. unless I live in some kind of commune (which is a fun idea once the kiddos are out of the house), but there’s no way to pay for it through the magickal community unless we could someone have some kind of a cash funnel from the other industries into our community. So I guess that the real question is what service or good can the people in our communities provide your everyday person without moving outside of the magickal. Either that or we need a really really big trust fund account.

I don’t know the answer but I do think that this is this big question that we as a community have to answer.


God, Reality, Myth, Fiction…What Do You Choose?

Eliphas Levi' Baphomet

What is reality to you?  Is it a bearded man sitting on a golden throne in heaven?  A group of drunk and disorderly gods and goddesses sitting on top of a mountain?  Is it the media and science’s portrayal of reality where we sit in cubicles until we’re too old to see the computer screen clearly and then we’re put into nursing homes until we die?

My reality is none of the above and though I’m sure my regular readers know, I hold to no reality for very long.  It is constantly shifting to fit my current understanding of the world.

“Knowledge is changeable.  Truth is eternal.  It is disastrous to confuse them.”   –Madeleine L’Engle

This quote is of the utmost importance to all that practice magick because although our society teaches rigidity in belief, magick teaches us fluidity.  It is impossible to fly when you cannot bend your own reality to accept that it is possible.  For anyone who has ever practiced magick knows that the reality that we are taught is flawed and therefore cannot be the truth.  It is the magician’s quest to constantly search for that truth, to follow meandering roads to their ends and to always search for the one that leads to that golden door of enlightenment.

This post is not a simple post.  It isn’t about a simple topic such as athames or tarot cards or even the meaning of life.  This is about what lies beneath all of it.  The core answer of every question.  Truth.

“I’m going to paraphrase Thoreau here… rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth.”  Chris McCandless, Into the Wild

To the magician, everything is based on their current idea of truth.  If they believe that the truth allows them to fly, they will search for a way to do this.  They will always test, always make sure that something will work before they need this.  They gather tools and build their repertoires in this way, but in reality they are actually exploring the unknown and changing their reality to always get closer to the truth.

The end result is a culture of expanding minds, of modern day philosophers.  These expanding minds are the future of our society.  It is only so long before the rest of the world begins to see where these philosophers are headed.  Every day more and more government officials have ties to this culture from the small town officials to a Presidential hopeful, Gary Johnson.  The society that was dominated by science is slowly being influenced by the surrounding proof of flaws in our ideas of reality as well as the ever-encroaching mainstreaming of Pagan culture.  These modern day philosophers are not always authors or college graduates.  They are simply people who’s minds have been opened to the idea of other realities through trial and error.  We are the advisors, the councilors, the confidants of our society and we need to start acting like it.

The expansion of reality does not mean that we should live outside of the bounds of normal society.  We must still provide food for our families, must still keep clothes on our backs and should never become a burden for the ones we love.  We must somehow balance the knowledge that we have gained and the world that we have chosen with the world that we have been placed into.  Remember, we were placed in this time and society for a reason and it is our duty to fulfill our role.

Magick or Science?

The Big Bang.  Quantum physics. Neutrinos.  The splitting of a proton.  Energy.  Massive Energy.  Fire.  Hurricanes.  Wind.  Waves.  A landslide.  Magick.

All of science has shown that magick doesn’t exist.  On the surface.  The science of the 1700’s, 1800’s, and 1900’s worked to understand the how’s and why’s of the world and to uncover the secret workings of what was considered “magick”.  They did an amazing job and the result is the world we live in.  Computers, cars, planes, and chemistry run our lives and give us the means to live our lives in comfort.  We discovered the atom (which actually is Latin for irreducible) and from there have manipulated them to nearly the maximum extent that they can be manipulated.

We discovered that an atom is not in fact irreducible.  There are two parts of an atom:  the nucleus and the electron cloud that surrounds it.  Imagine that an atom is the size of an orange.  The nucleus is smaller than one of the seeds.  The 1-160 electrons that make up the cloud are each the size of a speck of dust.  The rest is void space.  Okay, that’s kind of crazy but imaginable.  So an atom is 99% void space and 1% mass.

Now we get into the quantum physics part of it.  Through crazy testing that I’m not even going to begin to try to explain they’ve found that the nucleus’s parts (protons and neutrons) can be further broken apart into what are known as quarks.  Come to find out, they too make up only about 1% of the proton and neutron volume.  The rest is void space.  So within an atom, only 1% of 1% (that’d be .01% for the non math majors out there) is actual mass.  That is incredible.  So here’s an example of why that’s so incredible:  Think about an airplane.  It weighs hundreds of thousands of pounds and carries 150 people through the air, defying gravity.  Now think about it in terms of atoms.  For every square foot of metal, cut out all but a single piece of metal about 1/8th of an inch by 1/8th of an inch.  Oh yeah, and as thin as a hair.  That’s how much actual mass is there.  The rest is all just nothing.  It’s kind of mind blowing.

Now let’s look past that to what hasn’t been discovered and make an educated guess.  No one has ever broken apart a quark or atom (that I’ve ever heard of), but my guess is that there’s only about 1% of the quark that’s actually there and the rest is void space.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Eventually you realize that there really isn’t anything out there.  Nothing takes up any space in actuality because there’s nothing really there.

Except energy.  There is motion and so there must be energy.  Even if an electron cloud is nearly all void space, it acts as an object.  It has force and it has volume.  Energy is the only thing that is real in the world.  Now my question to you is this:  how is the energy that is the world any different from the energy that is pulled through your body to create change in the world?  It isn’t.  It is all the same thing with different vibrational levels and different intention.

The next thing that needs to be thought about is the fact that our bodies are also made of atoms which means that truthfully we are made of nothing but energy.  And something else.   There has to be something else inside of us that allows us to be alive and different from one another.  This is the most logical and perfectly undeniable proof of the soul for lack of a better word.

So we are in essence, a soul that is somehow bound to energy.  This is pretty much exactly what the Eastern philosophies and religions have taught for thousands of years.  Now comes the true question of this blog:  what do we do with this information?

Well, as far as magick is concerned, this logic tells us that if we can control the energy of our body then why would we not be able to control the energy outside of this body?  Also, why would we not be able to transform the energy of a chair into the energy of an ice cube?  And furthermore, why is it that we don’t already know how to do this?

I don’t know.  Possibly it has to do with the fact that we are here for a reason and that reason doesn’t include having everything we want without any effort.  That’s about as far as I can get at 4 am.  I’d love to hear other people’s ideas on this.

The more important question to ask is this:  if we are all made up of energy, and the world is made up of energy, and our souls are simply tied to the energy that we inhabit, then what inhabits everything else?  I’d have to say that the idea of a Mother Earth or a God or the Universe or whatever other name you’d like to give it sure does sound pretty plausible when you put it into those terms.   If you take the first point and put it with this point, then one of the most obvious conclusions for me is this:  there is a reason we are here and there is some sort of design to all of this chaos that is our lives.

Okay, that’s as far as I’m going to get on this topic for now since I’m ridiculously exhausted from a long night of work and I’ve got to get ready to go back for a few more hours.  Let me know what you think.

Magickal Dangers and Random Tips

I have been practicing magick for a while now and though I’ve tried to temper my eagerness for results with the caution that experimentation requires, I’ve failed at times and have witnessed the dangers firsthand or realized just how close to the ledge I have been.  I feel that when my children are old enough to start experimenting–with magick that is–that they read or are told what happened or could have happened when I was not safe in my practices.  And so, I have decided that it is probably a very good topic to write about.

Tip 1:  Don’t do magick in your home.  I’ll start with my first words of warning:  be wary of what kind of magick you do in your own home.  Spirits/demons/ghosts/energies of all kinds/things that go bump in the night are all attracted to energy and magick is big-time energy.  Just because you cast a circle and close it and all of the other things that you’ve learned to do, it’s inevitable that your home will become well known as an energy source.  If at all possible, do your magick somewhere else whether that’s in a field, your backyard, a park, or even just your garage.

I learned this through two of my own residences becoming energetic feeding grounds.  As I’m sure that you know if you’ve read much of what I’ve written, I know the basic protections and fail-safes that circulate magickal circles.  I have kicked my fair share of not-so-nice things out of my apartment, but I promise, you don’t want to deal with the trouble every night when you really would rather be getting some sleep before work or a final or even just to watch a good movie with a particular someone.  The bad thing about it is that no matter how many spirits you banish from your home, every time you do it you’re releasing more energy and you’re only making it worse.  I don’t know a fix for this, and the only way that I eventually rid myself and my family of this trouble was to move.  That’s why I would suggest that you didn’t start the cycle.  If you must do magick in your home, remember to cleanse well afterwards so that the energy doesn’t build up.  It’s not hard to clean it up quickly before your home becomes an energetic hotspot, but it’s very difficult to clean it up once it’s known in darker circles.

2.  Leave the innocents out of it! The things that go bump in the night are attracted to those of us that can deal with them.  They’re attracted to the energy that we put out when we practice, when we worship, and when we simply move about.  On the other hand, they can affect people that they aren’t drawn to, so when you are doing magick even remotely close to other people, please don’t just make the spirits leave you.  The entities were drawn to you, and therefore they are your responsibility.  Don’t cause harm simply through neglect.

This one really hit me hard when I realized what had happened.  I was dealing with a rather difficult entity one night and it was causing a lot of pain to my wife, so I did the first thing that came to me–I pushed it away.  Well it went up…to my upstairs neighbor’s apartment.  I didn’t think too much of it for a while.  I figured that it would be back like most of them ended up doing, but it never really came back.  A few days to a few weeks later, the family that lived upstairs and to my knowledge had never really had any real problems split up.  The dad left and I never saw him again.  They had had a serious fight that we heard downstairs after never hearing anything from them in a year, not even their 2 year old crying.  This family had done nothing to draw the entity to them, had no way of knowing that it was an entity causing pain and turmoil, and had no way of dealing with it.  Don’t be the cause of someone else’s pain, even unintentionably.  Trust me, it really sucks.

3.  Don’t forget the basics.  The basics are there for a reason.  We all learn to cast a circle.  We all learn the basic protections.  We all learn the basic idea that yes there are things out there that can hurt us and yes we should make sure that they don’t come near us.  Remember these all the time.  Especially when you’re doing something new.

Not too long ago, my wife and I were working through a rather intense invocation ritual.  I did the unthinkable and didn’t cast a circle.  I made a circle in order to contain my wife in the event that something bad did happen, but I didn’t make a circle to insulate her from any unintended participants.  Yes, I know that this was a very very poor decision.  Luckily nothing bad happened (that I am aware of *knock on wood*), but it was very clear how close we came to an unintended invocation.  My wife left her body for a very short time, but that was only after feeling the multitudes of entities that were coming and pushing against her.  The intended spirit was invoked successfully, but her only communication was to basically tell me that I was an idiot.  Let me tell you that not only did I feel like a complete idiot in front of a very powerful spirit, but I ran the risk of injuring my wife or having her be possessed.  This is not something to play with.  Regardless of how invincible you feel, do not forget the basics.  They’re there for a reason.

Well that’s it for now.  If anyone has any other hard-earned tips, please post them for others.

Ramblings and Inspiration

It’s strange how often the viewing of a movie or reading of a book can change a person’s priorities.  It seems that every major life change I’ve had has been at least somewhat influenced by a book or movie.  I found the metaphysical after watching a very ridiculous teen movie some 10 years ago.  I set my lifelong values after reading The Alchemist about a year after that, and now I’m going back to writing after watching “The Peaceful Warrior.”

I’ve always wondered when I would go back to writing, and I didn’t ever imagine it would be at a time like now.  I’m busier than I ever have been before, and yet I feel compelled to spend what little time I’m not working 14 hours a day or playing with my four kiddos or snuggling up with my wife to watch a movie, sitting down at a computer to research some obscure topic to write about or sitting outside pondering different questions I have while I drink my morning coffee.

It seems as though it’s the only driving point I really have these days.  I go to work and do as much as I can to move up the corporate ladder, but at the end of the day I regularly think to myself that there’s this huge hole in my life that shouldn’t be there.  So I started writing again.  Who knows how intellectual and worthwhile these ramblings may be this time around, but they’ll be here.

So today’s rambling is on the topic that has bothered me for some time now.  I have to ask myself, what is the point of writing this blog?  I don’t make any money from it.  I haven’t really made any real impact on the world.  I certainly haven’t become more in tune with the world because of it.  I finally came to the conclusion that I simply need an outlet for the millions of thoughts flowing through my mind daily.  I haven’t been able to meditate for a long time, and this may be the reasoning.

Most of the time I sit down with some sort of an idea for a topic, but sometimes I don’t even do that.  I just start to write, and whatever comes out is what I post.  I’m sure you’ve noticed that over the years the posts have become more and more random and far less structured, and that’s because the topics aren’t topics that I’ve thought through fully.  By the end of the post, the majority of the thought process has worked its way through me and there is some sort of conclusion on the thought, and so I can finally put that thought away.  Maybe that’s why so many therapists insist that their patients keep a journal.

In essence the process of writing taps into the subconscious where we have no true control over what flows through, and that’s how most “inspired” works come about.  I’m not saying that anything I’ve ever written could be called inspired, but in my mind there’s not really anything that isn’t inspired to some degree other than a synopsis of something else.  Everything has their truly original thoughts, and everything comes from that hidden ocean of inspiration called the subconscious.


Shaman or Schizophrenic?

It’s 600 BC in a Native American village.  A child is born.  He grows into a young boy and is a bit different than the other children.  He sees things that aren’t there.  Spirits and animals are his friends more so than his own family.  He stays away from the village as much as possible and really never gets along with any of the other children.  His parents are worried, and they talk to the local medicine man.  The medicine man realizes that the boy is simply a natural medicine man.  The spirits have chosen him, and it is his destiny to become the next medicine man.  So he begins his training.

It’s 2010 in small town America.  A child is born.  He grows into a young boy and is a bit different than the other children.  He sees things that aren’t there.  His invisible friends are more his friends than his own family.  He plays in the woods as much as he can and rarely play with other children, regardless of how much his parents try to get him to.  His parents are worried.  There’s not much for them to do.  He grows into a teen and never really changes.  His parents finally take him to a psychiatrist and he is diagnosed with schizophrenia.  He is heavily medicated and lives the rest of his life in a haze.

It’s strange how similar these stories are, and how different they turn out.  The boy would have been considered a highly regarded and highly functional member of society 3000 years ago, but now he is forced to either live his life in a haze or to be completely non-functioning in society.  Yes, I could rant and rave about how wrong this is.  I could complain about the backward nature of a society that seeks to limit and expansion of the consciousness, but I will refrain and simply seek an answer as to how we can instead learn to help these children and adults.  So let’s take this scientifically so we don’t just sounds like a bunch of crazies who also need to be medicated.  I’m writing this as I would in a scientific journal, so I apologize for complicating things that are simple.


The purpose of the post is to explore the methods for dealing with any “delusions” that would be handled by a shaman or other historical spiritual advisor in both children and adults.  It is not the purpose of this essay to provide solutions, simply possibilities.


Let’s make a simple assumption.  Schizophrenia is caused by some sort of expansion of consciousness to include beings of other planes of existence.  This could be the expansion into either the realm of spirits as well as the astral (dream) world.  There may be other expansions possible, but these are the primary that come to mind.  Thus, the two expansions must be treated differently.  One (astral) should be dealt with as though everything is symbolic, much like a dream, while the other (spiritual) should be dealt with literally.  In this essay I will be dealing with the spiritual side rather than the astral.

It is also necessary to assume that all hallucinatory experiences fall into these categories as well due to their regular use in historical shamanic and magickal workings in order to induce communication with the other planes of existence.  These hallucinatory experiences include drug use, dehydration, exhaustion, starvation, torture, chemical deficiencies within the body, and other easily dealt with delusions.

It is also necessary to assume that if these experiences are caused by an expansion of consciousness, that they are as real as the realm of consciousness that we all live in.  Though it may seem difficult to do, we must not consider these to be delusions in the commonly used sense.  Drugs, sweat lodges, and ritual torturing have been used for millenia to interact with these other realms for real world changes and knowledge.  If they had not been worthwhile experiences or had given false information, they would have been abandoned far before Christianity came into existence.

Effects of the Shamanic Calling

It is important to put into perspective the effects that an untreated person who’s consciousness has naturally expanded will endure.  The experiences can range from simply hearing voices to seeing faeries to talking with spirits and demons.  Sometimes they are friendly, sometimes they are terrifying.  Whispers in the dark, your deepest fears appearing before you while you’re showering.  These are the making of the most fear-inducing horror movie, and there are children world-wide being plagued by them.  Yet, these are the same effects that people have striven to achieve with years and years of effort.  They are not able to be ignored, but medication may not be the best way of coping.

Necessities of Treatment

In order to find ways of coping and controlling this expansion, it is necessary to ascertain the needs which must be fulfilled with any kind of treatment or counseling.


The most important part of any kind of treatment is the explanation that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the person, that there are others out there like them.  It is important to also establish that there are hundreds and thousands of people who work their entire lives to earn the gifts that they were born with.  It is absolutely necessary for the child or adult to understand that there is help out there, and they do not have to simply ignore or try to hide from this gift because that is exactly what it is, a gift from the universe.  It isolates them, scares them, and makes their life more difficult, but that is because they do not have any control of it and have no understanding of it.

Family and Loved Ones

For the person who has these difficult experiences, isolation is most likely their most difficult obstacle to overcome.  Therefore, it is imperative that those who are still in their life need to be counseled as well.  They must learn to accept the experiences as a real experience and not the delusions of a madman.  They must be counseled as much as the patient does because it is not a simple thing to remove the society-imposed idea that only their reality exists and all others are delusions.

Coping Skills

In the immediate, it is necessary to find the coping mechanisms which the patient has created for themselves.  These can range in many directions, and most of them will be effective for as long as the patient has faith in them.  They are very likely similar to OCD behaviors due to the complete fear that befalls them when they do not keep the behaviors, and at some later date they may need to be dealt with separately.

It is also necessary to create coping skills if there are not any.  This may entail lying to the patient in order to create faith in the skills because trust is absolutely necessary for most simplistic skills to work.  This must be considered on a case by case basis due to the need for trust in such a difficult counseling/treatment situation.

Building Skills

Coping mechanisms are not enough to deal with this lifelong issue.  It is necessary to teach the patient how to control their experiences with these other realms of existence.  The best way of doing this is by looking through the more occult teaching from history.  Much will be useless due to the majority being about how to open these same realms of consciousness.  Techniques such as meditation, calming exercises, and basic understanding of the spirit world are important.

It is also necessary to teach the patient to learn from their experiences in these other worlds.  Historically, guides are available to all travelers in other realms and it is only the patient who can interact with and gain help from these guides.  They will be the primary teachers of the patient, and it is simply the counselor’s job to help the patient understand the teachings.  Especially for children, the teachings are not always simple, and it is the extremely difficult job of the counselor of holding all of the knowledge needed for these journeys and feeding it to the patient as needed.  The counselor must become the shaman of old who is training his apprentice, even though the counselor may not have any experience of these other worlds.

Necessities for Success

It’s important to understand that on a basic level, many of the issues associated with this theory are difficult to implement due to societal issues.  It is very possible for a parent to implement if they are understanding and are qualified enough (not with pieces of paper or resumes, simply in how much they understand these other worlds).  They control their environment and how much other people know about their therapy sessions.  On the other hand, society has a very strong distrust of anything outside of normal psychiatric treatment, which we’ve seen through many of the struggles of Scientology.  It would be even more difficult to promote this type of treatment due to the differences in mentality of the patients as well as age issues.

The other primary issue would be that for the immediate, the patients would need be held in the same place they are being treated so that they do not have to feel alone anymore.  The other issue is that all people working their would have to treat the patients as apprentice medicine men rather than as patients.  There couldn’t be any drugs used to tranquilize patients as they do in mental wards when there are schizophrenic episodes because the episodes are necessary for their understanding of this other realm of consciousness.

It would also be important for the area to be conducive to exploring the spiritual realms.  Areas of natural beauty where the patients could be alone would be helpful.  Because many of the journeys necessary to understanding and controlling their gifts require solidarity, there would have to be ways for the children to spend large amounts of time away from the protective eyes of the adults and caretakers.  This would mean that it would have to be protected from intruders and dangerous animals.

All of these issues would require large amounts of understanding and informed employees as well as a large amount of land and funding.  At the same time, there would be little to no government assistance because of the lack of sanctions from government agencies.  This is not even considering the issues with current laws and licensing.  All of these point to a very limited possibility for this type of institution to exist.  I have no idea how something of this type could come together, but regardless, I believe that there is a need for it.

Sharks of the Mind

This is not a normal post, but is instead a metaphorical story I wrote a few days ago and figured I’d post it.


What goes on in our heads? Tickles of thought creep through our minds without breaking through the surface most times, simply making ripples and barely breaking through our subconscious. We search the surface as a fisherman looking out at the perfectly placid waters of a beautiful cove at dawn. Glass except for faint ripples where something swims underneath.

We try to understand what happens beneath that beautiful surface, but how can we ever understand what happens when we’re looking from the surface? So how do we get into the water and go for a swim? And what happens if there are sharks?

There are sharks, believe me. They hunt us down and try to overwhelm us with their massive strength. Their fearsome jaws. Their masterful knowledge of the sea. They come in many shapes and sizes. Depression, fear, anger, jealousy, maliciousness. They are conniving and will pull the fisherman’s boat back to shore, will destroy the rudder, will do anything they can to keep the fisherman from control of his own destiny. What must he do then? His boat is no longer his because of these monsters. He must get out and swim with them.

When the fisherman dives into the salty water of tears that fill the mind, he is assaulted by the hundreds of fish that swim under him daily. Fish like love, beautiful visions, the thoughts of his children all grown up, memories of his wife on their honeymoon. He sees those same sharks that have been terrorizing his life are slowly eating up all of the beautiful fish and growing each time they do. He realizes that he absolutely must confront them, and if necessary, be swallowed up because he cannot allow all of these fish to be eaten up. He turns to one of the sharks, jealousy, and swims towards it. He feels the other sharks swimming behind him taking small nibbles off of himself. He keeps swimming towards the shark though, slowly being eaten.

What can he do? There seems to be nothing that he can do because each time he tries to catch one and deal with it, it swims just out of his grasp.

He should give up, shouldn’t he? He is overwhelmed by the size and strength of the sharks. They work like a pack, constantly taking bites out of him. He is frail now, his legs barely work, and his arms ache from the constant abuse of the sharks. Maybe he should have stayed on the boat and simply sat. He’d be safe then. Safe, while these sharks destroyed all of these beautiful fish. All of his beautiful fish. He would be stuck above with nothing but his own breath, and he would surely die then. For without beauty there is nothing.

He finally gives in. He faces as many of them as he can, and stops. He knows that he’ll surely be bit, but he waits. He feels the bite. Feels the ache as the small daggers pierce his already agonized flesh. But he is not as weak as the shark thinks. He reaches behind himself and grabs the shark. Feels its sandpaper skin tearing at his hands. He grabs onto it and faces it. He yells, “Do your worst, but at least face me!” The shark does nothing. It stares at him through blank eyes. The eyes of death. The man still feels the other sharks bite him, but he knows that he at least has this one. Then the shark starts to shrink. It knows that it cannot live on this man anymore. It shrinks and disappears. Many of the fish that made up its food source return. Not all, but many. Many of the bites are miraculously healed. He has found his way.

The sharks are worried now. They still consider him food, but are hesitant to come close enough to bite. It takes days and weeks to catch all of them, but he finally does. In the end, much of his cove is back to the way it was before the sharks, and he is mostly the man he was before. There are scars, many scars, but he is also much stronger than he was.

The next few weeks he goes back out to his safe little cove and swims with these beautiful fish. He dives deep to find all of the fish and know them by name. And one day he sees a shark. It is a small shark, but he knows that if left alone, it will become just as horrible and terrifying as the others were. He quickly tears it apart. He now knows that there will never be an end to this. That he must always guard his cove from the dangerous sharks that come to destroy beauty and himself.

The Fires of Life

It is not in simplicity and peace that we should look for life; it is in those that are anguished, tormented, and constantly struggle that we should look for life. It is only in the tortured that we find beauty. The greatest artists are full of pain, the strongest warrior has battled his whole life simply for survival, it is in the cactus that daily struggles for its very existence amidst the sweltering heat that constantly strives to destroy it. It is in this constant battle that strength and quality comes forth. Life springs forth easily in peace, but peace only comes after the fires have been quenched, after the battles have ended and the warriors of yesterday stand watch for tomorrow’s struggle.

Life may be overflowing the cup of peace, but it is the one piece of life that survived where others failed that holds this cup of peace. So why do we look to those that have survived peace? Why do we look to the warriors of nothing for knowledge? It is not the sages that I seek. It is the cactus that daily survives torment that I look to for life. Look to the coral reef that daily survives the barrage of waves in order to give peaceful homes to 75% of the life in the sea.

Yes, you may take refuge with those that seek peace. I do not, and never will. Life is about struggle, constant battles, and constant wars, both inside and outside the self; and I welcome them. It is only those that have been hardened by the flame of torment that can hope to quench the fires of the world.

I’m Tired of Repetitiveness, Send Me Something New

As I look at my magickal bookshelf for something to look back on, to give me more insight, or just something to randomly give me something to think about during a road trip, I get depressed. There’s not much on there that really makes me think, “Wow, that’s a really unique idea. I think I’m going to put that into practice.” Maybe it’s the fact that every facet of these books has been explored and reiterated back to me over and over again throughout my random website searches. Maybe it’s the fact that I spend too much time at the computer reading “advanced” discussion boards. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve read through most of the books that I own. Or maybe it’s that there has been so few revolutionary thoughts in the past few decades that I haven’t heard of the books that they’re in or the people who’ve come up with them.

How many different books does a person have to buy to finally come up with something noteworthy? Yes, I have most of the Crowley library in hard copy or on the computer, and yes I have perused them to my heart’s content, but they have been rehashed over and over again. I know that they hold a lifetime’s worth of knowledge, and quality knowledge at that, enough in fact, to keep someone busy for a decade at least. I’m just looking for something new, something that hasn’t been rehashed. I started with Cunningham’s work (as many people do) and quickly realized there wasn’t much in the way of substance there. I worked through a lot of the Golden Dawn stuff and though there’s a lot of substance there, I simply do not feel completely happy with all of their thoughts and ideas. I’ve gone through much of the original Wiccan thoughts and ideas and have found them to be lacking in many places. I could go on and on about the books and the ideas that I’ve explored and though they are worthwhile studies and practices to pursue, I am tired of them. I want something new.

No, please don’t refer me to another book written in 1905. Please don’t send me a magickal text from the 1600’s (okay, actually send it to me simply because I’d love to have it, but don’t refer me to it). Send me something new. A new idea even. Hell, I’d take a random thought that hasn’t been published by 200 Llewellyn authors, a new idea for a ritual, even a new name for a pet. Magickal journals everywhere rehash the same ideas that were brought to light by someone a century ago. Magazines and ezines take the same trash and reiterate it to me over and over again. You wonder why these magazines and ezines are failing? It’s because anyone who’s interested enough in magick and Pagan thoughts to buy a magazine or sign up for an ezine probably already knows everything written in them. I’ve been doing this stuff for almost 8 years and I’m coming up to what I think is the end of written knowledge.

There are literally thousands upon thousands of Pagan authors out there, and yet I haven’t found any books written in the past 20 years that are truly noteworthy. I take that back, there are many authors out there that have done plenty for the Pagan community in their efforts to “convert” and “get us out of the broom closet”, but I haven’t found any that are noteworthy for the people who actually understand what they’re doing. Why is that? I know that I’ve put thoughts and ideas up on this blog that haven’t ever been written about or published by anyone else because I thought of them. I didn’t reiterate something from a manuscript. I didn’t combine all of the knowledge that I’ve gained so far and put it onto the internet. Obviously, that information is already out there. What I did was think, “Hey, that’s a cool idea. Maybe I’ll put it on my blog.” Then I sat down and wrote it. The end. So why is it that I haven’t found these revolutionary thoughts everywhere? Why is it that when somebody has practiced some sort of magick for 35 years, they haven’t had those errant thoughts that change their perspectives or practices to some degree? And if they have, where are those errant thoughts stored? Did they write them down? Or were they lost, as dreams are lost?

So I challenge you, the reader to take what I say and think about it. Do you have those errant thoughts? Do you practice in some way differently than what the books say? What are those small pieces that are different? A change in the way that you make a gesture, a change in the wording, or a different type of tool that you came up with is what I’m looking for.

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